Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

When I was in Jr. High my mom let me wear make-up.  I was so stinkin' excited to finally get to wear make-up.  My favorite shade of eyeliner was blue, like electric blue.  And I didn't just put it on, I painted my eyes with it.  We are talking colored the entire outer lids with bright blue eyeliner.  I added to that a lovely shade of pink and purple eyeshadow followed by gobs of jet black mascara. Oh, but I wasn't done.  My favorite lip color was bright pink Wet' n Wild lip liner followed up with even brighter pink lipstick. It was quite the sight, folks. We're talking "lady of the night" look here. 

And even though my mom told me over and over again that I looked like a streetwalker, I paid no attention because I thought it made me beautiful.  After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and my heavily painted eye said I was smokin'. 

Fast forward twenty something years and my definition of beauty has changed incredibly.  You can all breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing that I don't sport the electric blue and hot pink color fest on my face anymore. But even so, I am not referring to looks when I say beauty. 

In previous posts I have alluded to the fact that recently my life has gone down a path that I never would have imagined.  Because of different circumstances, one being my health issues, I have traveled down a road that has taken me to some interesting places.  Along this journey, I have been graced with meeting (and reconnecting with) the most inspiring people.  People who have come in to my life at the exact moment that I needed them.  People who have shared with me their stories, struggles, and triumphs while navigating through treacherous times. People who have taught me, motivated me, lifted me up, and encouraged me when I was feeling like I was drowning in a sea of physical pain.  

I find it intriguing how much I take away from other people's stories.  I have walked away from conversations about personal struggles feeling empowered to face my own challenges head on.  There is great power that comes from sharing one's story, and even more power learning from others.

 I have found that stories of perseverance, courage, and determination to overcome the demons that people face ON A DAILY BASIS are what make people beautiful, in my humble eyes.  Demons that may have to do with unrelenting pain that takes over one's body, alcoholism, drug addiction, the mind chatter that says you are fat and because of that you are unworthy of love.  Hell, the demons that say you are unworthy of love just because. Have you ever known someone who WASN'T fighting a battle every single day in their own head?

I believe these battles are part of what makes us who we are. Throughout them, we learn just what we are made of.  We learn who we are at our core.  We learn what we believe in, what triggers us, and what makes us tick.  We even learn from the battles that we lose. Probably most from the battles we lose.  Often times, we are beaten down to the point where all we feel is hopelessness and failure. These battles intensify when our minds tell us that no matter what we do, it's never right or good enough. The question is, in every moment, do we give in to those thoughts? Do we let them take away our power, or do we fight back?  Those are the battles that scathe us with wounds that run deep. The ones that leave us with scars.  Beautiful, brave, glorious scars that remind us of all that we've OVERCOME.  

And then there are times where we come out victorious. Where we are able to sneak, stumble, or charge past those unrelenting negative thoughts, beliefs or addictions.  Where we stand strong in the conviction that, damn it, we ARE good enough and we are WORTH THE FIGHT.

How different would the world be if we started looking at people through their trials and weaknesses? How much more willing would we be to embrace those around us if we knew they struggled everyday with addiction? Or self loathing? Physical illness? Loneliness? Rejection?

How much more love would we have in our hearts for people if instead of judging them for what they look like on the outside OR how WE think THEY should be living their lives, we look into their eyes and allow ourselves to see and feel their souls?

One of my favorite quotes that inspired this post is this:

   

"If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies how very different our ideals of beauty would be."

Before all of "this" happened in my life, if you would have asked me if I was beautiful, I would have said no.  However, being that I have come to know who I am down to my very soul BECAUSE of the battles fought within the past two years, I not only believe it, I know it.  I AM BEAUTIFUL. Not in the beauty queen/model sense of the word and not because I wear eyeliner and lipgloss like its goin' outta style. But because every single day there is a war going on inside of me.  Some days I win, and some days I lose, but I never give up.

Next time you find yourself in a full fledged war with yourself or even just a battle, take a step back, take a deep breath (take a lot of deep breaths) and repeat to yourself "I am worth it".  You are worth it, you are strong enough, and you will get through it.

And that, my dear friends,  is what makes you B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.