My head ached, a migraine from the day before hadn’t dissolved like I had hoped and my eyes burned from a restless night’s sleep. I had certainly awoke on the wrong side of the bed. My partner, hearing my tired groan, placed his arm over my back in a gesture of comfort. Tired tears welled up behind my eyes, but I pushed them down and gently maneuvered my way out of his embrace and stumbled out of bed. It was still an early hour, he fell back to sleep and I silently stormed over to my meditation pillow.
I set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes and closed my eyes. I threw myself into my daily spiritual practice. Despite the appearance of a more peaceful posture, I grew more and more frustrated. With each exhale, I pushed the frustration back down. I continued to sit until the timer went off. The minutes of physical stillness allowed for some peace, but I continued to fume.
Finished with my meditation, I brewed myself my routine cup of coffee. Avoiding the tension that was bubbling up inside, I displaced it onto the coffee making process. I jammed my hand against the drawer as I reached for a spoon and recklessly poured some milk into a mug, spilling it onto the countertop. Again the tears bubbled up, but I pushed them down and moved to the second part of my practice: reading something inspirational.
I opened up to my bookmarked place in The Untethered Soul. I surrounded myself with my highlighter, journal and of course, the coffee. The familiarity of this routine comforted me.
I mumbled “Good morning, “ as my partner peered out of the bedroom, my eyes still glued to a passage about feeling your feelings. Again I swallowed the anxiety that bubbled up in my throat, tightening the small muscles along my neck on the way. I highlighted the inspiring passage. I knew it’s truth intellectually and told myself that I would save the feeling for later: I was doing my spiritual practice.
I finished my reading and sat with my partner on the couch. While he leisurely checked his email, I turned on the TV and hit play on my recorded episode of Super Soul Sunday, continuing my spiritual practice. Oprah was interviewing Pastor, Robert Bell. I enjoyed Bell’s interview until I was triggered by something he said.
Oprah asked Bell to share the details of his personal spiritual practice. I was interested in hearing what kind of meditation he practiced and the style of his prayers.
He paused and then replied that “his life was his spiritual practice.” His interactions with his kids, his wife, his work, the people he meets with everyday are all his spiritual practice.
I felt sick to my stomach. In that moment, I made a connection between Bell’s words and how I spent my mornings (and days) those past few months: I was hiding behind my spiritual practice. I was afraid of living my life. My spiritual practice was controllable, neat, predictable and safe. I clung to it and wouldn't’ let life get in the way of it... My hand was clenched with my spiritual practice inside and for that reason, the time spent in meditation and reading couldn’t expand out into the rest of my life. I feared to let it all unravel.
Instead of contracting further when I heard Bell’s message, I chose to expand. I chose to soften. I chose to receive his message. I knew that what he was talking about was what I wanted--an open-hearted life in which I was part of it all.
I took a deep breath. I chose to open up and take in his words instead of push them away like I had been doing all morning. I clicked the remote to “off” and gently guided myself back to the moment. I turned to my partner and embraced him with a softness that was absent when I awoke. I relaxed into the uncertainty of the moment and allowed the pain I had been avoiding all morning to coexist with my open heart.
Disclaimer: A daily spiritual practice is needed to connect us to ourselves and to rinse our minds of fear and reenergize our spirits. This must be translated into a living, breathing moment to moment conscious life in which we take what we’ve learned from our practice and practice it in our interactions with each other and the decisions we make and actions we take. In this (true) story I hoped to highlight one of the ways we can use spirituality to avoid living our lives.
Overtime I shifted my morning spiritual practice, not on the outside, but on the inside. On the outside, I continued to meditate, drink my coffee, read something inspirational and pray. It was the way in which I did all those things that changed. I remembered that the point of my spiritual practice was the quiet time and connection to help me to live my life with the loving, peaceful, focused consciousness that I desired
BIO:
Lauren Noreen helps women and men drop the self doubt and fear that’s holding them back so that they can feel confident in attracting their heart’s desires. She is a Teacher, Inspirational Speaker and Life Coach working with clients all over the world. She is also a Certified Eating Psychology Coach and helps men and women find their natural, healthy weight, end mood swings and experience a better quality of life by shifting how they eat.
She lives in Boston, MA with her finance, L.J. and her 2 cats. You can download her new FREE audio guide: 3 Powerful Steps to Squashing Fear and Stopping Worrying here:
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